i have to admit (and i don't think i'm the only one) i've been regularly (ok, semi-compulsively) checking Soulemama's blog in the past week or so to see if she'd had her baby yet. her blog was the one that really inspired me to start blogging: her life and family and creativity are so beautiful. and a wonderful thing i realized was that i felt that my life wasn't that different- i just wasn't documenting it. i was inspired to blog to recognize the beautiful and the creative in the ordinary moments of my life (and hopefully connect with the community of other creative mamas out there).
but somewhere along the time that Soulemama announced she was pregnant with her 4th, i started to feel downtrodden rather than inspired when reading some of my favourite blogs. anna maria has five kids (and counting) with a hot career in fabric design, a new book, and a popular blog. soulemama has three (now four) kids, has written two books, homeschools her kids and writes her fabulous blog with time to bake sew and do art projects with her kids. two sisters who write a blog have had their immaculate groovy arty lovely houses showcased in a popular US parenting magazine.
i have trouble some days finding time to take a shower and almost always have gigantic piles of laundry strewn about the living room. and i have to set a schedule for myself to give the kids baths on Sundays and Wednesdays or i forget. i would love to have a 4th baby, but (insert 12 reasons not to here) Lucia of Dimsum, Bagels, and Crawfish and I have discussed this feeling that comes when we compare ourselves to others and find ourselves wanting- it's made me wonder whether the type of blogs i like to read (Humble Woodcutter calls them 'domestic bliss' blogs) are just another way to sell ourselves short?
part of me says 'no' (see above) but part of me thinks that by only writing about the best moments of our lives (and yes, i know no one would read each other's ramblings about dirty toilets and unfolded laundry) we are creating a world of domestic perfection that no one could ever live up to. a little while ago angry chicken wrote a post where she alluded to some deep troubles and despair she was experiencing (in it she wrote something like, 'i'm sorry i just can't write another post about homemade sour cream right now') and than apologized and deleted the post the next day. humble woodcutter once wrote 'this would never happen to Soulemama.'
i don't have an easy answer- this post is something i have been thinking about for months. i was moved to write it tonight when i saw Amanda had had her baby and of course while i am so happy for her and her family, i cried because i know with my brain that i shouldn't have that 4th baby that my heart and my body so want. what is wrong with me that i can't do all that, start homeschooling again, and have that 4th baby? but i see her life, and i think she can do all i can AND MORE.
what do you think?